registry of regret

My precious, little, stemless champagne flutes got me thinking…. I have a handful of weddings for friends and family coming up in the next year. So this is as good as time as any for me to share some registry advice. Because that’s what every engaged couple wants when planning a wedding – unsolicited advice.

This may come as a shock, but Dean wanted nothing to do with registering. It was up to me and I was not upset about that. I have a thing for control. I avoided going to stores and took a different approach – I put on my favorite stretchy pants, had a plate full of cheese, opened a bottle of wine and registered from the comforting embrace of my couch. Not sure if you know this, but drinking and shopping is a dangerous combo. Drinking and shopping without supervision, though, is even MORE dangerous.

I started out thoughtfully curating a list of household essentials. I was expressing self control and keeping myself in check. But, slowly a little voice in my head was getting louder telling me to add more and more and MORE. Watch this clip of Amy Schumer on Ellen and pay attention at minute 3:00 because that’s what I would compare my registry experience to….

Yes, I lost self control. And then a gift showed up on our front doorstep and Dean saw it was a pan. Then he saw the packing slip and that it wasn’t just any pan… but a very expensive paella pan (which I LOVE and I swear is used for more than just making paella – muchas gracias to my mom-in-law Wendy!). I think I may have looked like Scooby Doo and said “RUH-ROH” because Dean was looking at me like, “you’ve got to be joking”.
If Dean had not intervened, this could have been way worse. We could have ended up with a popcorn maker. Yes, I registered for a popcorn maker. What in the hell was I thinking? First off – am I suddenly too good for bagged popcorn? Second – I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve eaten popcorn at home.

Lesson learned – NEVER REGISTER ALONE.

Here are the items that Dean The Referee allowed, but looking back five and a half years later we could have lived without….

Regrets #1 and #2 – The immersion blender and the food processor

In my defense, for many years I tried out complicated recipes and put a LOT more effort in the kitchen. I used the immersion blender to make soups, puree and blend. It is great and all, but I would rather buy the carton of Trader Joe’s soup than go through the hassle of making it. I feel the same about the food processor. And don’t even get me started on cleaning this stuff. The blades on these kitchen appliances are sharp as all get out. I barely touched the food processor blade and I bled for three days. I’ll keep my fingers, thank you.

Regret #3 – the wok pan 

When we want Chinese food, we pick up a phone. Let’s be honest, if I want to attempt to cook Chinese food it is going to taste just as lame as if I cooked it in a regular pan. The wok does not magically make your food taste like authentic Chinese. It was easy to clean and you can cook a lot of ingredients at once; but storing this massive pan that I rarely used was a pain.

Regret#4 – margarita glasses

I like the margarita glasses we have and mama-cita loves a fresh marg. I dislike hosting and only drink wine or beer. I will say that in the past year Dean has started making cocktails and makes a decent fresh margarita so this may spur us to use them more often. As long as he does the making (and the cleaning up) and I do the drinking.

Regret#5 – clunky flatware

Dean chose not to partake in registering so he is left with the choices I made. Unfortunately, I am also left with the choice I made. I like this flatware…. until you rest it on the edge of your plate and gravity comes in to play. The ends are like lead weights that will catapult your food across the room if you do not balance it perfectly. In hindsight, we would have chosen a lighter weight flatware. 

There you have it – my top 5 registry regrets.

As I’m typing this Dean says, “Did you add the paella pan to the list?” I’m nodding my head saying “oh yes, of course”. HA.

One thought on “registry of regret

  1. too too funny….i have AND USE each of these items on a regular basis…except the margarita glasses. if you do not cook i can understand. love your humor!


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