Dean and I may be older, but when we do spring break, we do it up right. If you know me, then you know that I look for a place where I can party all day and rage all night. I’ve mentioned that my Grandma (and Linda) live in Sun City, AZ. So we booked a flight to Phoenix to rage with the 55+ crowd. Seriously, it is a rule that residents must be at least 55 years old. Youth is not wanted here. But I must say, this 80-year-old-trapped-in-a-31-year-old’s-body blends in pretty well.
It was insanely hot while we were there. Way hotter than usual for March. But coming from 40 degree weather, we didn’t care. Arriving at Grandma’s I stepped out of the car and laid on the hot cement to soak up the warmth.
We fell in to a routine very easily. Every morning we have our coffee and fresh oranges off the orange tree in the backyard. Then, take the golf cart to the pool around 10AM. Golf carts are the main mode of transportation in Sun City.
The view from my chair by the pool. No filter here folks. Clear blue skies all day.Rough life, right? An oldies radio station plays quietly in the background while I roast like a Thanksgiving turkey in the hot sun. The pool crowd gathers for their daily water-walking and I fall asleep listening to them gossip about someone’s failed marriage. These older people gossip like middle-school brats.
The pools in Sun City have quite a list of rules that must be followed. To enforce these rules, a pool monitor sits in a little air-conditioned office and watches the pool like an ominous black crow. Before entering the pool you MUST shower. There is a shower head out in the open for all to witness whether you have rinsed off before dipping your sun-lotion-riddened body in their pristine water. I like to make a point of announcing out loud that I am going to rinse off before getting in the pool. I’ve been shamed before by the pool monitor and the water-walkers. Learned MY lesson indeed!
They show NO mercy. Like when kids show up at their pool. At this particular pool kid hours are strictly set from 11AM-1PM. As soon as those kids show up with their loud voices and pool toys, the water-walkers turn in the water-runners and they sprint out of that water like those kids are diseased. And you best believe the pool monitor is waiting and watching for those unruly rugrats to make a misstep. While my cousin Lauren and I were there a kid and his dad were harmlessly tossing a water nerf ball back and forth and her wretched voice screeches on the intercom “NO BALLS IN THE POOL!! NO BALLS. IN. THE. POOL.” The dad boldly and foolishly turns to look up at her in her booth, makes eye contact and – no joke – he shrunk back in to the water with his tail between his legs because he knew he couldn’t win that battle. At 1:01pm Lauren and I held our breath when we saw a kid deep his toe in the water. We tried to shout NOOOO DON’T DO IT!! But we were too late. The wicked crow flew down from her perch, snatched that little boy up and carried him away.
I remember when my cousins and I visited Sun City as kids. These “kid hours” were the biggest inconvenience of our lives… and our mom’s lives. Because every two hours we had to pack up and move to a different pool. Two hours was all their patience could tolerate. This older crowd HATES spring break and the entire month of March.
Now that I’m older, I can’t say I blame them. Once those kids left, the silence was pure bliss. Perhaps that woman in the booth has let the power go to her head. Though, I’m certain if she didn’t bark orders at us outsiders, the water-walkers would riot and she would lose her coveted title. Seems like a pretty cush’ job, so I get it… I guess. Truth – I’m just too afraid to say what I really think. She’s always watching.